Already got asked if we're dating
She announced her abortion via fbk
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
