Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I woke up under a house in Key West
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