I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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