So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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