he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
