just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
