Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
