Is it normal to miss your booty call?
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
