so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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