My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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