If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
