I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
