I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
