Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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