just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
