I looked at my own cervix.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
