Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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