you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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