Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
