Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
