I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
