Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
