Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
