i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
