You just made me feel so damn special
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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