Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
