a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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