I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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