cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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