sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
