i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
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