if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize