I don't remember. Are we still dating?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
