before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
