I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
