not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
