after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I need a burrito and a hug.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
