I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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