Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
