I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
