so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
