so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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