My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize