I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
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