i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
