I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
