i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Fuck me I smell like cheese
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
