Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
