My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
