I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
