Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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