I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
