We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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