Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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