put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
