I could have mohawked her pubes.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
