What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
