I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
farters have to be the big spoon...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
