You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Randomize
