So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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