I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My boob is missing a layer of skin
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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