my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
why is half of my head shaved?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
