I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
