dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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