So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I smell like Dick and happiness
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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