Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
